Which one am I? . . . and which one I want to be.

Sleeper? Betrayer? Denier?

Mark 14 lays it out pretty bluntly.  I ask myself this question - "Which one am I?"  . . . Am I like Peter who falls asleep in the garden? or am I like Peter when he denies even knowing Jesus?  I hope I am not like Judas Iscariot, selling Jesus out for a handful of cash. 

But let me be honest.  Which one have I not been?  I am all three. Or have been at one time or another. 

Yes, I have denied that I know Jesus.  I do not know that I have straight up said to some one that "I don't know him," but He and I both know that my actions have said it multiple times.  When I do not act out of love, or my words come out like poison, then my life denies that I have been changed by Christ. 

I have not betrayed Jesus for cash.  [I have betrayed him for much less.]  An image. A feeling. Out of apathy. My flesh is weak. How embarrassing and shameful is that? I have committed in my heart to be a follower of Christ and to love others, yet I betray my Saviour? and I have betrayed him for things of no worth. "I am weak, but He is strong, yes, Jesus loves me!" I am so unworthy of this love and mercy that he so graciously gives me.



Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "[Emily]," he said, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing but the body is weak." Mark 14:37-38

Out of the three {denier, betrayer, sleeper} mentioned, I most closely relate to the sleeper right now.  My eyes are heavy. I'm unaware sometimes.  I go about my days just getting to the end to say, "What have I done of worth today?"  Who have I loved today. Who has seen Jesus through the way I lived today.  How have I impacted the Kingdom today. How have I changed the world today.  It's not enough to look back on my days and weeks and only then ask these questions.  I need to constantly be thinking about my love relationship with my Lord, and ask these questions continuously through out my day--- then follow through with loving, showing, impacting, and changing!

This is the one I want to be:

". . .a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard.  She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head." v.3

When others asked why she would be so foolish to waste such expensive perfume Jesus told them to leave her alone.  Jesus knew this woman's heart.  Can you imagine being that woman? Looking into Jesus Christ's eyes and just knowing (without saying a word) that he sees you for everything you are, the good, bad, ugly, but also for the "beautiful thing" you were doing for him. vs6-7

I want to be like this woman. She gave up her pride for humility, her money for offering. And she loved on her Jesus.  What a precious, deep, transparent moment that must have been.  You know she had to have been uber aware of the most important thing in that moment. Eyes locked on Jesus, with the sole purpose of honoring him, and basking in his great love.

So. Which one are you?