"Going to the mountains is going home." - John Muir (1901)

Home. 

This has always been a hard word for me to describe. 

I was born in Oklahoma. Lived in a place or two there.

I spent 5 years of my childhood in Florida... Was that home? No. Not really. 

North Carolina? Sure - that's where I've lived the majority of my life ... But Charlotte? - home has never specifically been there. 

Some people feel like the house they grew up in just feels like home. I never felt like that about any of the houses we lived in. 

If it was ever a house for me, it was Grandma's house. It's been years since all the cousins piled into that house. But I can walk through that house in my head and remember every detail... The wallpaper, the furniture, the carpet, Grandpa's pinball machine.  And there was nothing like summer at Grandma's house.  Walking down the street to get cokes at The Gas Station. A baseball game or two or three. Then it was Sonic runs for a grape slushy or a Diet Coke. Walmart was the place to be seen. The Aunts, my uncles, and my cousins. And just Grandma. 

Still, I've never been able to define home as a place. 

Mom is home. [Home is where your mom is.] 

Family is so, so home. #SplitCoastFamily

Taylor is home. 

Al is home. 

But a place... how do you know when you a going home?

"Going to the mountains is going home."  Yes, John Muir.

I have almost lived in these mountains for as long as I spent in Charlotte. 

Why does something in the deepest part of me feel like here is home. 

It hits me at the most funny times. Today on an engagement shoot with Adam. 

Sometimes I get to tag along and play assistant. Assisting entails handing him lenses every now and then -- but mostly just enjoying and exploring the location. 

Standing on the side of the Blue Ridge Parkway. In front of the biggest Oak I've ever seen. 

They take pictures. I walk further. To the top of the hill. 

And my heart literally gets tight as I'm captured by the beauty of these mountains. This is home. 

And I know that God is here. 

I've seen some mountains y'all.

 I've been up North.  I've been out West.  I cried when I saw the Grand Canyon.

 It all takes my breath away and leaves me in wonder. 

But not ever did I feel the weight of comfort like I do here. 

The sounds. The breeze. The color. The history. The story. The cool sunrise. The warm sunset. 

This feeling must be the closest thing I know to what truly going home must be. 

October 19, 2014 as the sun set

Dear Students. . .

What a weird semester we have had together.  So many missed school days or shortened blocks.  Still, you finished well.  I would like to thank you for the wonderful time I have shared with you. I do know that there were some days you probably walked into room 3522 and wondered what in the world was up with Ms. Nolte that day.  Forgive me.

I don’t know that you will understand what it is like being a teacher, unless you find yourselves in my shoes someday.  Regardless, I would like to apologize for any days that I might have made your day less positive, or made you feel inadequate, or not given you the attention you deserve.  That was never my intention, but I am so human sometimes. I want you to know several things.  

The first is that YOU ARE LOVED!  You were loved each day you walked into my classroom, each day you skipped my block, each day you were out sick, each day we missed due to “inclement weather.”  You were loved when you all paused awkwardly, not wanting to read in front of your peers. You were loved when I waited at the front of class counting the seconds you chose to talk instead of listen to me.  You were loved when I assigned you essays, and news logs, and webquests.  You were loved when I didn’t accept your late papers... and when I did!  You were loved when I passed out those miniscule progress reports that even you needed reading glasses for, whether you had a high flying A or you were struggling through with a 69.45. You were loved when you asked to go to the restroom every single day at the same time.  You were loved when you got me completely distracted  and rambling about unrelated topics.

It doesn’t stop there!  You will be loved from here on out.  Everytime I think of you, you will be loved.  And trust me - I will remember you!

I will remember you everytime I open my candy box and think back to the day you stole the tootsie roll and then lied about it!  It wasn’t about the candy, it was about the dishonesty.  Don’t lie - honesty is still the best policy, after all these years.

I will remember you every time I hear a rap song on the radio and think that you are much better at writing creative lyrics than any one with a record deal.  Don’t stop creating.

I will remember you every time I have a student skip, and you can bet your bottom dollar I will see their face in my class the next day!  Don’t think I won’t search the parking lot, check in with your bus driver, call and email home every day.  Come to school, be on time, it’s good for you and I want you with us.  Just a heads up... if you skip work your boss won’t chase you down.  He or she will just let you leave and not invite you back.

I will remember you every time I see a student cry.  Thank you for trusting me with your problems, fears, and hurts.  Life is so hard sometimes, but there is always a way, and there is always someone that cares.  If you need someone who cares, come find me!

I will remember you everytime I see someone try to hide their cell phone in the middle of my lecture.  Let’s face it, I will think of you often on this one!  Just so you know, you're not as inconspicuous as you might think.  

I will remember you every time I make a seating chart.  No matter how hard I try to strategically place you - you are going to talk to your neighbor.  Being social is a great thing, but so is being a listener.

I will remember you every time I sigh at the load of work I have and think about you sighing each day you looked at the agenda.  Work hard, it pays off, just maybe not in the ways you expect sometimes.

I will remember you every time I hear the same question twice.  Again, be a good listener.

I will remember you every time someone gives up before exploring options B, C, D... Z, and even back to option A.  Don’t forget to be a problem solver.

I will remember you every time I hear someone bad mouth another person and think about the time you went to bat for the underdog.  Always, always stand up for what is right.

I will remember you each time I feel as though I am doing busy work and think about what I wanted you to learn.  Most things have purpose, great or small, try to find a principle or discipline to take away from all objectives and situations.

I will remember you when you try to add me as a Friend on Facebook and yes, I will decline you.  I am here to be your teacher, not your friend.  We can be friends in 20 years when I teach your children.  Then, and only then, will we be “friends.” I might still make you call me Ms. Nolte though!

I will remember you when I teach the same person twice.  It is so nice to have veterans.  I am blessed to have taught you twice or thrice.

I will remember you every time I see someone do the CanCan and think about the time I had to sing and dance to get your attention. I will also remember the time I stood on a table to read to you - again, to get your attention.  Are you seeing a theme here?

I will remember you every time I see the book “There’s a boy in the girls’ bathroom.”  I will not forget you, Jeff Fishkins and Bradley Chalkers.  Don’t ever believe you are too old to enjoy a children’s story.  There’s an abundance of life lessons tucked between the pages.

I will remember you every time someone keys into me wanting to say something.  Thanks for being in tune and telling others that I am ready to talk.

It is not what I wish, but I realize that as you walk out my door it may be the last time I see you.  I will constantly be reminded of you, and truly hope that you come visit.  I may not remember what year, semester, or block I had you, but I can recall all of your sweet faces and no matter how large or small a role you have played, each of you has impacted me as a teacher and an individual.  I hope that I may have impacted you as well.  As much as I love the social studies, I hope you have taken away skills that might serve you well in life.  It is not all about the academics, it is about growing into a person that loves people well and makes a conscious effort to change the world for good.

I will remember you.  I love you.  I pray for you.  I believe in you always.  I know you will do world changing things. 

And most of all, I desperately hope that you know the One that loves you most.

Ms. Nolte

5am: COFFEE. JESUS. RUN.

What is it about the early morn?

The night slowly, slowly waking up and turning to light.

The quiet that is uninterupted by any one still sleeping.

Not having to converse aloud with another person, but having clear conversation, soul to soul, with Him.

Waking up, not breaking the seal of silence, but feeling more alive and more known than any other point in 24 hours.

The early morning is like a secret - the best kind, a special kind.

There are only two in existence. And the conversation just happens without uttering a word.

"... Good morning, Jesus

Good morning, Emily

... I don't know if I can make it to the gym this morning

You feel so much better when you get up and run

.... Yes.  You're right. Okay. But coffee first

Alright.  And then let's talk some more"

There is no one else in all the world that is awake. Shuffle to the kitchen. Eyes half shut, on auto pilot, start the coffee.

"... Jesus, I have so many things to do today

I know.  But listen, like you said, they're just things. You got up in time to keep those at bay for now. Let's just sit and be together. Grab my word. I have something to show you. You need this

... Yes. Ok

Pick up where we left off two days ago.  By the way, I missed you during our special time yesterday.  You barely gave me a second's thought through your crazy day

... Uh huh. It was crazy.  I know you were with me though.  You always are

Yes. I am, yesterday was no exception

... There's a difference though, huh?"

Coffee that's strong and dark to match the early morning sky. No sun has appeared yet.

"Of course there's a difference. When you and I sit and spend time together you draw so close to me.  It's just you and me - nothing else matters. Nothing else has entered your world yet.  It's amazing to see what happens in your heart. It's as if you literally draw life from these precious moments and I watch your heart soften.  Your heart is so vulnerable with me - you've had no time to put up those silly walls through out the day. You don't try to be Strong Emily or Push Through Emily or Kill Two Birds With One Stone Emily. We just enjoy each other.

... I do love it, Jesus. I don't know why I skip it sometimes. I do need this

Do you remember what we were studying on Tuesday? Read that last verse again and then fixate on the next three verses as well. You're going to need to understand this in a new way. I need you to share this truth with some one. Write it down a few times. You memorize best when you write it over and over

... Mm hmm. Writing helps.  You know me so well. Is this verse for who I think it's for?

It's for you. And yes, for them too. Check in with them today, please. They're having a hard time. Their heart is hurting. Tell them I love them. Better yet, show them.

... I will.  You might have to remind me though

Of course.   All you had to do was ask."

Skies change to gray. Soon the sun is peeking over the mountain tops and before long the lamp light will no longer be needed.

"It's about time for you to hit the gym

... I suppose it is. I have more energy now than after work

Yes, I know. Your day might get overwhelming. Remember our time together this morning, okay?

... I will. And I will spend my run praying for that person

Thank you.  Emily? Don't forget that I love you today

... I love you too, Jesus."

Grab bags - all filled with the things needed to be done today - and shut door. 

Breath in the morning air, turn around, and head for the car.

It's gonna be a good run. 

Coffee and Jesus flowing through my veins. 

Gonna make my blood flow a little more.

In the words of a dear friend, COFFEE. JESUS. RUN.

Have a great life.

I am finished with college classes. And it quickly came to an end.  In fact, I am now student teaching, and am rarely on campus.  Where did college go?  As one of my professor's closed our final class meeting, she had us sit in the floor in a circle.  She asked each of us to take one of the smooth stones she passed around, grasping it in our hands.  We closed our eyes and thought over our semester, coming up with one word to finish the phrase, "I am          ."  The environment our community had created left this group of people to feel free to end that sentence with honesty.  Some people said more knowledgeable, excited, patient. When it came around to me, "I am ready."

As another teacher closed our last class, he explained that this semester he had been prepping us for all kinds of encounters we would need to be ready for when we enter the field.  Between the jokes, the skits, and stories all representing experiences he's had teaching high school over the years, I know he loves his job.  The last thing he planned for us to read was a personal letter he had received from a past student of his. The letter thanked him for being a great teacher and encouraging this student to pursue a better future than any one ever had before.

 He prefaced it by basically saying we would encounter many bumps in the road on this journey and maybe feel as though we are not making any difference at all - but there are occasions we will see the fruit of our labor and it makes this crazy job worth it.  Once we finished reading and as my last class of my senior year ended he simply said,

"Have a great life.  Go get 'em."

So here I go. Ready?

Before the day gets loud ---

What do I do when I'm wide awake, ready for the day, and school has been canceled? Well one roomie has already left for class, and the other roommate is sleeping.  That leaves a very quiet house.  So before the day gets loud, I'm gonna blog about what I read this morning.

A few weeks ago I had gotten up one Sunday morning to read a bit before Crossroads.  I opened up to a passage in Ephesians and was really feeling the Spirit speak to my heart that morning.  I had a feeling we'd be studying Ephesians that morning at Crossroads too.  What do you know - we did and have been for a couple weeks now.

I was originally struck by the fact that I have the same access to the Father that Jesus Christ does.  The Spirit is like my access key.  There are two things I need to remember about this. One, I would not have had this access without Jesus saving me by dying on the cross.  Two, without Jesus my sin blocks the door to my Father. 

My prayer is that the Spirit's voice and presence may be loud and that we may be aware - so we can better fight against Satan's temptations and the sin that keeps us from being close to our Father. 

As we've studied this book of Scripture in Crossroads, I have thought over and over again of Paul's dedication to the Church.  He has a true love for Christ's Church, and says "I have not stopped giving thanks for you and remembering you in my prayers."  This is beautiful.  This is part of a great picture of what the Church is to look like. 

¹⁵ For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, ¹⁶ I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. (Ephesians 1)

I think of the Church in Ephesus, and imagine myself hearing Paul's letter.  How encouraging to know that someone has been praying for me and my brothers and sisters.  To look back and read the things that Paul truly wants for these people moves and challenges my heart. Paul does not pray a pretty, little prayer and say "Amen!" when hearing good news from his friends in Ephesus - he prays big things for them.  This is what he prays:

 ^{17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Ephesians 1)}

Paul speaks life into the Church and deeply wants great things for them.  He wants them to always know God better.  Church, let us encourage one another!  Let us praise our Father for each other and the work he does through us.  Let's get on our knees and pray that our brothers and sisters come closer to our God each day - and that we can clearly understand the hope Christ has given us in this life.  May we see God's incomparable power in the lives we, the saints, choose to live. 

 

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

"He is born the Divine Christ Child

Play the oboe, play the bagpipe.

He is born the Divine Christ Child

Let us sing and rejoice this day!"

When I was little we had a huge Christmas musical production at my church.  Each year this was the song the children's choir sang.  My dad and I used to be in it together; he played guitar and I sang in the choir.  We used to meet up between rehearsals and shows to share dinner together.  This was time I always cherished and looked forward to, even at my young age, because I got my daddy all to myself.  That was usually hard to do since I was the oldest of five kids in our family of seven.  I was always so proud of my dad- he was the cool guitar player that had a guitar solo up on stage.  Yeah, he still is the cool guitar player. . . and I'm still proud he's my dad.

Another Christmas memory that has become a special tradition in my family started when my dad was a kid.  His dad, who I call Boppa, would gather all the kids (and now the grand kids) around on the family room floor every Christmas Eve.  He'd light a candle and begin. . .  

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. . .

This is such a special time for our family that one year we had to conference call our cousins in when Boppa and Nanny had come to North Carolina for Christmas.  By the time we got to the end there wasn't a dry eye in the room, or on the other end of the line. Christmas is Boppa's favorite time of year - he loves Christmas!  And his love for Christmas is contagious. 


Christmas joy is contagious altogether.  Why do I love Christmas music, and the food, church at Christmas time, the feeling of coming home?  Last week I sang Christmas songs out loud for an hour (no lie) when I had the house to myself.  I love seeing everyone dressed up at church, Advent, singing beloved Christmas carols. Decorated cookies, the smell of sweet spices, cider.  And coming home of course- whether it be from college, visiting family, going to your hometown, or having people come to you- just knowing that you are surrounded by those that love you most.  How could I forget snow.  There is just something magical about snow


So what makes this a big deal? Oh yes. . .

"He is born the Divine Christ Child

Play the oboe, play the bagpipe.

He is born the Divine Christ Child

Let us sing and rejoice this day!"

Why is joy so contagious this time of year? I believe it is because generation after generation had waited for the messiah to come to us.  We take time to celebrate it at Christmas. Well, I don't know anyone that can play the bagpipe, but "let us sing and rejoice this day!"

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 (NIV)

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.  Psalm 98:4 (King James Version) 

Yes!  The messiah is here!  After many generations, we have waited for this time and we only celebrate for maybe a month? MESSIAH.  He is Emmanuel - God with us. When I worship, as I live my life, am I praising him like I have been waiting for the messiah and now he is here?  He is the one that our ancestors waited on! I live in a time where I should be shouting and praising the God who is with us, who has come, and reigns!  Our King is alive, he is Emmanuel, God with us.


May I worship him while I await his second coming.  May it consume my heart and take all my energy, so that I walk into eternity praising his name on earth as it is in heaven. 

"Jesus Messiah, Name above all names, Blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel.

The rescue for sinners, The ransom from Heaven, Jesus Messiah, Lord of all."

Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity"Hosanna by Hillsong United



Which one am I? . . . and which one I want to be.

Sleeper? Betrayer? Denier?

Mark 14 lays it out pretty bluntly.  I ask myself this question - "Which one am I?"  . . . Am I like Peter who falls asleep in the garden? or am I like Peter when he denies even knowing Jesus?  I hope I am not like Judas Iscariot, selling Jesus out for a handful of cash. 

But let me be honest.  Which one have I not been?  I am all three. Or have been at one time or another. 

Yes, I have denied that I know Jesus.  I do not know that I have straight up said to some one that "I don't know him," but He and I both know that my actions have said it multiple times.  When I do not act out of love, or my words come out like poison, then my life denies that I have been changed by Christ. 

I have not betrayed Jesus for cash.  [I have betrayed him for much less.]  An image. A feeling. Out of apathy. My flesh is weak. How embarrassing and shameful is that? I have committed in my heart to be a follower of Christ and to love others, yet I betray my Saviour? and I have betrayed him for things of no worth. "I am weak, but He is strong, yes, Jesus loves me!" I am so unworthy of this love and mercy that he so graciously gives me.



Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "[Emily]," he said, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing but the body is weak." Mark 14:37-38

Out of the three {denier, betrayer, sleeper} mentioned, I most closely relate to the sleeper right now.  My eyes are heavy. I'm unaware sometimes.  I go about my days just getting to the end to say, "What have I done of worth today?"  Who have I loved today. Who has seen Jesus through the way I lived today.  How have I impacted the Kingdom today. How have I changed the world today.  It's not enough to look back on my days and weeks and only then ask these questions.  I need to constantly be thinking about my love relationship with my Lord, and ask these questions continuously through out my day--- then follow through with loving, showing, impacting, and changing!

This is the one I want to be:

". . .a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard.  She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head." v.3

When others asked why she would be so foolish to waste such expensive perfume Jesus told them to leave her alone.  Jesus knew this woman's heart.  Can you imagine being that woman? Looking into Jesus Christ's eyes and just knowing (without saying a word) that he sees you for everything you are, the good, bad, ugly, but also for the "beautiful thing" you were doing for him. vs6-7

I want to be like this woman. She gave up her pride for humility, her money for offering. And she loved on her Jesus.  What a precious, deep, transparent moment that must have been.  You know she had to have been uber aware of the most important thing in that moment. Eyes locked on Jesus, with the sole purpose of honoring him, and basking in his great love.

So. Which one are you?