5am: COFFEE. JESUS. RUN.

What is it about the early morn?

The night slowly, slowly waking up and turning to light.

The quiet that is uninterupted by any one still sleeping.

Not having to converse aloud with another person, but having clear conversation, soul to soul, with Him.

Waking up, not breaking the seal of silence, but feeling more alive and more known than any other point in 24 hours.

The early morning is like a secret - the best kind, a special kind.

There are only two in existence. And the conversation just happens without uttering a word.

"... Good morning, Jesus

Good morning, Emily

... I don't know if I can make it to the gym this morning

You feel so much better when you get up and run

.... Yes.  You're right. Okay. But coffee first

Alright.  And then let's talk some more"

There is no one else in all the world that is awake. Shuffle to the kitchen. Eyes half shut, on auto pilot, start the coffee.

"... Jesus, I have so many things to do today

I know.  But listen, like you said, they're just things. You got up in time to keep those at bay for now. Let's just sit and be together. Grab my word. I have something to show you. You need this

... Yes. Ok

Pick up where we left off two days ago.  By the way, I missed you during our special time yesterday.  You barely gave me a second's thought through your crazy day

... Uh huh. It was crazy.  I know you were with me though.  You always are

Yes. I am, yesterday was no exception

... There's a difference though, huh?"

Coffee that's strong and dark to match the early morning sky. No sun has appeared yet.

"Of course there's a difference. When you and I sit and spend time together you draw so close to me.  It's just you and me - nothing else matters. Nothing else has entered your world yet.  It's amazing to see what happens in your heart. It's as if you literally draw life from these precious moments and I watch your heart soften.  Your heart is so vulnerable with me - you've had no time to put up those silly walls through out the day. You don't try to be Strong Emily or Push Through Emily or Kill Two Birds With One Stone Emily. We just enjoy each other.

... I do love it, Jesus. I don't know why I skip it sometimes. I do need this

Do you remember what we were studying on Tuesday? Read that last verse again and then fixate on the next three verses as well. You're going to need to understand this in a new way. I need you to share this truth with some one. Write it down a few times. You memorize best when you write it over and over

... Mm hmm. Writing helps.  You know me so well. Is this verse for who I think it's for?

It's for you. And yes, for them too. Check in with them today, please. They're having a hard time. Their heart is hurting. Tell them I love them. Better yet, show them.

... I will.  You might have to remind me though

Of course.   All you had to do was ask."

Skies change to gray. Soon the sun is peeking over the mountain tops and before long the lamp light will no longer be needed.

"It's about time for you to hit the gym

... I suppose it is. I have more energy now than after work

Yes, I know. Your day might get overwhelming. Remember our time together this morning, okay?

... I will. And I will spend my run praying for that person

Thank you.  Emily? Don't forget that I love you today

... I love you too, Jesus."

Grab bags - all filled with the things needed to be done today - and shut door. 

Breath in the morning air, turn around, and head for the car.

It's gonna be a good run. 

Coffee and Jesus flowing through my veins. 

Gonna make my blood flow a little more.

In the words of a dear friend, COFFEE. JESUS. RUN.

Have a great life.

I am finished with college classes. And it quickly came to an end.  In fact, I am now student teaching, and am rarely on campus.  Where did college go?  As one of my professor's closed our final class meeting, she had us sit in the floor in a circle.  She asked each of us to take one of the smooth stones she passed around, grasping it in our hands.  We closed our eyes and thought over our semester, coming up with one word to finish the phrase, "I am          ."  The environment our community had created left this group of people to feel free to end that sentence with honesty.  Some people said more knowledgeable, excited, patient. When it came around to me, "I am ready."

As another teacher closed our last class, he explained that this semester he had been prepping us for all kinds of encounters we would need to be ready for when we enter the field.  Between the jokes, the skits, and stories all representing experiences he's had teaching high school over the years, I know he loves his job.  The last thing he planned for us to read was a personal letter he had received from a past student of his. The letter thanked him for being a great teacher and encouraging this student to pursue a better future than any one ever had before.

 He prefaced it by basically saying we would encounter many bumps in the road on this journey and maybe feel as though we are not making any difference at all - but there are occasions we will see the fruit of our labor and it makes this crazy job worth it.  Once we finished reading and as my last class of my senior year ended he simply said,

"Have a great life.  Go get 'em."

So here I go. Ready?

Before the day gets loud ---

What do I do when I'm wide awake, ready for the day, and school has been canceled? Well one roomie has already left for class, and the other roommate is sleeping.  That leaves a very quiet house.  So before the day gets loud, I'm gonna blog about what I read this morning.

A few weeks ago I had gotten up one Sunday morning to read a bit before Crossroads.  I opened up to a passage in Ephesians and was really feeling the Spirit speak to my heart that morning.  I had a feeling we'd be studying Ephesians that morning at Crossroads too.  What do you know - we did and have been for a couple weeks now.

I was originally struck by the fact that I have the same access to the Father that Jesus Christ does.  The Spirit is like my access key.  There are two things I need to remember about this. One, I would not have had this access without Jesus saving me by dying on the cross.  Two, without Jesus my sin blocks the door to my Father. 

My prayer is that the Spirit's voice and presence may be loud and that we may be aware - so we can better fight against Satan's temptations and the sin that keeps us from being close to our Father. 

As we've studied this book of Scripture in Crossroads, I have thought over and over again of Paul's dedication to the Church.  He has a true love for Christ's Church, and says "I have not stopped giving thanks for you and remembering you in my prayers."  This is beautiful.  This is part of a great picture of what the Church is to look like. 

¹⁵ For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, ¹⁶ I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. (Ephesians 1)

I think of the Church in Ephesus, and imagine myself hearing Paul's letter.  How encouraging to know that someone has been praying for me and my brothers and sisters.  To look back and read the things that Paul truly wants for these people moves and challenges my heart. Paul does not pray a pretty, little prayer and say "Amen!" when hearing good news from his friends in Ephesus - he prays big things for them.  This is what he prays:

 ^{17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. (Ephesians 1)}

Paul speaks life into the Church and deeply wants great things for them.  He wants them to always know God better.  Church, let us encourage one another!  Let us praise our Father for each other and the work he does through us.  Let's get on our knees and pray that our brothers and sisters come closer to our God each day - and that we can clearly understand the hope Christ has given us in this life.  May we see God's incomparable power in the lives we, the saints, choose to live. 

 

"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

"He is born the Divine Christ Child

Play the oboe, play the bagpipe.

He is born the Divine Christ Child

Let us sing and rejoice this day!"

When I was little we had a huge Christmas musical production at my church.  Each year this was the song the children's choir sang.  My dad and I used to be in it together; he played guitar and I sang in the choir.  We used to meet up between rehearsals and shows to share dinner together.  This was time I always cherished and looked forward to, even at my young age, because I got my daddy all to myself.  That was usually hard to do since I was the oldest of five kids in our family of seven.  I was always so proud of my dad- he was the cool guitar player that had a guitar solo up on stage.  Yeah, he still is the cool guitar player. . . and I'm still proud he's my dad.

Another Christmas memory that has become a special tradition in my family started when my dad was a kid.  His dad, who I call Boppa, would gather all the kids (and now the grand kids) around on the family room floor every Christmas Eve.  He'd light a candle and begin. . .  

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. . .

This is such a special time for our family that one year we had to conference call our cousins in when Boppa and Nanny had come to North Carolina for Christmas.  By the time we got to the end there wasn't a dry eye in the room, or on the other end of the line. Christmas is Boppa's favorite time of year - he loves Christmas!  And his love for Christmas is contagious. 


Christmas joy is contagious altogether.  Why do I love Christmas music, and the food, church at Christmas time, the feeling of coming home?  Last week I sang Christmas songs out loud for an hour (no lie) when I had the house to myself.  I love seeing everyone dressed up at church, Advent, singing beloved Christmas carols. Decorated cookies, the smell of sweet spices, cider.  And coming home of course- whether it be from college, visiting family, going to your hometown, or having people come to you- just knowing that you are surrounded by those that love you most.  How could I forget snow.  There is just something magical about snow


So what makes this a big deal? Oh yes. . .

"He is born the Divine Christ Child

Play the oboe, play the bagpipe.

He is born the Divine Christ Child

Let us sing and rejoice this day!"

Why is joy so contagious this time of year? I believe it is because generation after generation had waited for the messiah to come to us.  We take time to celebrate it at Christmas. Well, I don't know anyone that can play the bagpipe, but "let us sing and rejoice this day!"

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14 (NIV)

Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.  Psalm 98:4 (King James Version) 

Yes!  The messiah is here!  After many generations, we have waited for this time and we only celebrate for maybe a month? MESSIAH.  He is Emmanuel - God with us. When I worship, as I live my life, am I praising him like I have been waiting for the messiah and now he is here?  He is the one that our ancestors waited on! I live in a time where I should be shouting and praising the God who is with us, who has come, and reigns!  Our King is alive, he is Emmanuel, God with us.


May I worship him while I await his second coming.  May it consume my heart and take all my energy, so that I walk into eternity praising his name on earth as it is in heaven. 

"Jesus Messiah, Name above all names, Blessed Redeemer, Emmanuel.

The rescue for sinners, The ransom from Heaven, Jesus Messiah, Lord of all."

Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin

"Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity"Hosanna by Hillsong United



Which one am I? . . . and which one I want to be.

Sleeper? Betrayer? Denier?

Mark 14 lays it out pretty bluntly.  I ask myself this question - "Which one am I?"  . . . Am I like Peter who falls asleep in the garden? or am I like Peter when he denies even knowing Jesus?  I hope I am not like Judas Iscariot, selling Jesus out for a handful of cash. 

But let me be honest.  Which one have I not been?  I am all three. Or have been at one time or another. 

Yes, I have denied that I know Jesus.  I do not know that I have straight up said to some one that "I don't know him," but He and I both know that my actions have said it multiple times.  When I do not act out of love, or my words come out like poison, then my life denies that I have been changed by Christ. 

I have not betrayed Jesus for cash.  [I have betrayed him for much less.]  An image. A feeling. Out of apathy. My flesh is weak. How embarrassing and shameful is that? I have committed in my heart to be a follower of Christ and to love others, yet I betray my Saviour? and I have betrayed him for things of no worth. "I am weak, but He is strong, yes, Jesus loves me!" I am so unworthy of this love and mercy that he so graciously gives me.



Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. "[Emily]," he said, "are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour? Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing but the body is weak." Mark 14:37-38

Out of the three {denier, betrayer, sleeper} mentioned, I most closely relate to the sleeper right now.  My eyes are heavy. I'm unaware sometimes.  I go about my days just getting to the end to say, "What have I done of worth today?"  Who have I loved today. Who has seen Jesus through the way I lived today.  How have I impacted the Kingdom today. How have I changed the world today.  It's not enough to look back on my days and weeks and only then ask these questions.  I need to constantly be thinking about my love relationship with my Lord, and ask these questions continuously through out my day--- then follow through with loving, showing, impacting, and changing!

This is the one I want to be:

". . .a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard.  She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head." v.3

When others asked why she would be so foolish to waste such expensive perfume Jesus told them to leave her alone.  Jesus knew this woman's heart.  Can you imagine being that woman? Looking into Jesus Christ's eyes and just knowing (without saying a word) that he sees you for everything you are, the good, bad, ugly, but also for the "beautiful thing" you were doing for him. vs6-7

I want to be like this woman. She gave up her pride for humility, her money for offering. And she loved on her Jesus.  What a precious, deep, transparent moment that must have been.  You know she had to have been uber aware of the most important thing in that moment. Eyes locked on Jesus, with the sole purpose of honoring him, and basking in his great love.

So. Which one are you?

Why I do what I do. Student Ministry.

To those that share my passion for student ministry. To those that "know" what I am talking about.
     Today I watched beauty meet leadership and bravery meet humility.  How often is the body of Christ led in a declaration of God's great love by a 14 year old girl?  Is it the norm to watch a 16 year old guy walk forward with their tithe each Sunday, when I myself have such difficulty doing the same?  It stirs my heart as I watch in amazement at the lives these students choose to live.  They stand firm against the strong moving current of this world, when people pull at them.  The world wants to latch on and take hold, but they choose to guard their hearts against the strongholds of this world.  If a 13 year old can say they want to take a stand, then surely I will stand with them and maybe strengthen their stance against the current. I do what I do because my God believes in these students.  It is not just about us believing in God.  It is also about knowing that God believes in us. I had people come stand with me when I was in middle and high school, fighting for me, loving me, and walking with me through those years.  I know that I can be an example of the love and belief God has for all of us. 
     Being with this group is refreshing, challenging, and sometimes so frustrating- but there is nothing like it. 

To those of you that do not necessarily "know" what I am talking about.
     A teen leading or tithing is huge.  Hearing about one of my girls standing up and saying to some one she barely knows that it really is not okay to sleep with your boyfriend and explain why goes so against our culture.  She did not just condone it by her silence but shared truth with her peer.  All of these things mentioned are so different and powerful coming from a teen.  Yes, it is beautiful and touches my heart when I witness a child's innocence and simple faith.  Yes, I am overjoyed when I hear of an adult walking away from a life of sin and choosing to radically follow Jesus.  But, for a student to be so young, yet fully understand the choice they have made to follow Christ, rather than settle for mediocrity, is indescribable.  
     It seems unbelievable, but let me tell you that it is happening.  I watch it every day.  Believe it.